Grief is lingering and continues to show its fangs when least expected.
I wish I could just stay home from work for a month, get things in order and come to terms with dealing with the new normal grief has chosen to give to me as a present san bows and glitter.
A new normal I didn’t seek.
Work is work and dictates the attendance of 35 hours a week to maintain insurance benefits along with the coveted vacation accrued hours.
is here and not going anywhere too soon.
I think it’s going to stick around until the day I draw my last breath
Hopefully seeing the dead of family past at my bedside ready to welcome me into another realm will make that last breath worth its’ draw.
In the meantime, I’ll listen to music to numb the silence.
“Pain is a warning that something’s wrong
I pray to God that it won’t be long”
-It will forever be long for pain has no expiration date, no renewal before expiration fees, no put it on a payment plan and go
“There’s nothing left to try
There’s no place left to hide”
-What is there to try? I’ve cried and cried to block away the reality of goodbye and I’ve tried to hide behind substances legal or not to no avail
There’s nothing left to lose
There’s no more heart to bruise.
– Heck I get to leave all that busy no nonsense stuff behind because what I’ve lost can never be replaced or substituted. Pi-Patel took my heart, Toby and Marge took mi alma.
There’s no greater power
Than the power of goodby
-The power of goodbye is accepting the finality of a goodbye. A goodbye so final it leaves a void of blackness after those words leave your lips
I loved so deeply three souls that made getting up each day worthwhile… so difficult to go to bed at night knowing you won’t be there in the morning
I love you Butterfly
I love you boys
***images borrowed from the web –I adore the artist Avogado6 who captures my raw emotions