Essayist – Anélemc's Writing

Posted on March 14, 2022 by Anelemc

My Mood in Roots…or Roots Of The Literal Kind

MY MOOD
starts fresh each day
Waking up hopeful and open to the world

MY MOOD
is not like the rhythmn of the four seasons
Changing routinely, overlapping rudely, not blending in softly

MY MOOD
is prone to stagnate and fester
Going this way and that, bloated with urine

MY MOOD
at most is solitary
Moving through brown the dirt-Alone

MY MOOD
is glorious, proud, ever expanding
Exploring, born again from experiences encounter

MY MOOD
is comprised of tributaries, waterfalls, rivers, and streams
Flowing forth, clogging up, backing up, stuck then free, stuck

MY MOOD
supports others giving, giving and giving
They blossom, while I am stunted and deprived

MY MOOD
absorbs negativity literally
Which entraps and degrades until…

… the negativity has been cut away
my roots exposed, naked and afraid

MY MOOD
will continue forward
Towards the water, towards newness, towards growth

***All photos by EMcCalla

Posted on February 8, 2022February 8, 2022 by Anelemc · 4 Comments

Sometimes…

Sometimes…
It’s hard to get out of bed in the morning
To begin a new day when you’d rather linger
under the covers in the past

Sometimes…
It’s impossible to eat healthy
When you have to prep and cook
and the corner bodega is…at the corner

Sometimes…
It’s hard to breathe fresh air
When the windows are shut
holding in stale memories

Sometimes…
The overgrown garden
Once tended by mom and you
should stay overgrown.

Sometimes…
Rain really sucks
Thumping down cold
on my bare head

Sometimes…
A mean and ugly person
Takes up space in your brain
squatting, rent free

Sometimes…
You want to scream so loud
Igniting car alarms up and down the block
but the scream is nothing but a whimper

Sometimes…
The body cries for help
As a fat revolution takes hold
obliterating muscle in its path

Sometimes…
Despair should be my first name
Followed by Anguish as a middle
Mourning as the last

Sometimes…
A cardinal brings hope
Except when its fighting with the sparrows
and the sparrows win

Sometimes…
You pray to HIM
Asking and asking
and never receiving

Posted on July 8, 2020July 8, 2020 by Anelemc

Feelin’ Moody…

Feelin’ Moody

Move fast and keep busy
Cuz after 12 I will be dizzy

Kicking back bourbon in hand
flipping the channels and feelin’ moody

Ba da da da da da feelin’ moody.

Hello newscast, what’cha showing?
I’ve come to watch the violence flowin’

Any good news or just crimes for me?
Doot-in doo-doo feelin’ moody.

I’ve got so much to do
Promises I didn’t keep
I’m frazzled and anxious and ready to scream
Let the nighttime come and steer me to sleep

Life you bug me
Feelin’ moody

Posted on July 1, 2020July 2, 2020 by Anelemc

Alphabet Soup…Sans the Noodles

A is for…
Africa
The Gold Coast, Bright of Benin and the Bight of Biafra
where my ancestors were abducted
brought to the Caribbean
as property to work
on sugar cane, coffee and banana plantations

B is for
Brooklyn
the place I came forth
from the comfort of mom’s womb
during a major snow-storm images-1

C is for
Catholic School
my father insisted
we go to instead of
the public school across the street
where kids all the shades of brown
attended

D is for
Divorce,
did not happen
when Dad moved back to Jamaica
and mom stayed in the States

E is for
Elena
the first part of my name which translates to
Helen in English

F is for
Fairy tales
Snow white, sleeping beauty, cinderella
wow, a man would rescue me
from all the evil in the world
if I were white

G is for
Gynecologist
years to find
one who was like me
and did not treat
my body
as an oddity

images

H is for
Honduras
where my mother’s Jamaican grandparents
migrated for work
long after slavery

I is for
Identity
Honduras, Jamaica, Scotland, Ireland, India and lastly
America
not the north or the south
but where it’s supposed to be united
but is not

J is for
Jamaica
the country of my father’s and siblings’ birth

K is for
Knowing
coming of age
as an Afro-Caribbean

L is for
Lies
black hair, black skin
big lips, big butts
excludes us from
straight hair
anorexia
Botox
butt lifts
Girdles, lipo
hell no
And…
Black don’t crack

M is for
McCalla (McCullough)
the name of the two Scottish brothers who migrated to Jamaica
and purchased the
ancestors who were stolen from Africa
to work as property
on their sugar cane, coffee and banana plantations
while producing picaninnies to be sold
as property

N is for
Nigger
the name I was called at the all-white
Catholic School
my father insisted I and my siblings
attend

O is for
Ovaries
that decided at the age of
27 to call it quits images-2

P is for
Parents
Margarita Walsh (McCalla) May 24th, 1927-October 7th, 2018 (Honduras, Scotland, India)
Noel Emmanuel Walsh May 10th, 1921- May 9th, 2010 (Jamaica, Ireland)

Q is for
Questioning
the world
not settling for
what the Catholic School taught
and yes
Catherine the Great
had a thing
for animals

R is for
Real Estate
mom and dad
bought a house
and became landlords
so, no one could ever
refuse to rent to us

S is for
Sisters
who resented the
burden I was
to their freedom

T is for
Tolerance
for other stories
other celebrations
other holidays
fireworks
that represent nothing
to the house
that slaves
built

U is for
Understanding
what my parents
went through
to provide
for me

W is for
Walsh
he last name of the Irish man who
impregnated my father’s motherand left
my father
with just the
last name. Unknown

X is for
Xenophobia
born and raised in this county I didn’t ask to be born in
I am still a foreigner, an abnormality
because xenophobia allows
those with privilege and power to
hate us because we look different

Y is for
Yearning
for my parents
who accepted
me
as I was

Z is for
Zero
tolerance for
treatment as a sub-human
woman of colour
4th class citizen
bottom of the barrel
Not my circus
Not my monkeys
Not your nanny
Not your cleaning woman

Posted on March 26, 2020March 26, 2020 by Anelemc

In The Time of Coronavirus…

Resigning after working 3 years at a job I thought I would retire from. Moved up the ladder every year but alas, through internal transitions, resignations and new hires, I hit the glass ceiling of the most uncomfortable kind. The glass is thick and stunts my growth.

My wings are clipped like a bird trying to fly as its’ owner tries to bend self-determination into submission. I would like to blame this on the time of Coronavirus, but no, it was happening long before.

So, I’ll be unemployed like millions right now trying to survive financially in financial uncertainty. My unemployment is of my choosing, for at times it is better to be sane than having anxiety control your life and taking meds to undo the control. Those who are unemployed due to business closures in the time of the Coronavirus had no choice.

It makes me laugh at times how I planned to do some soul (alma) searching after the resignation to find my new path in life but, “life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”. In the time of Coronavirus with isolation and working remote from home, I have plenty of time for alma (soul) searching.

Daily routines, like the gym, trotting in Prospect Park, taking long walks with Katie (greyhound) no longer exists. Instead the routines are replaced by unhealthy eating, Doritos, Chardonnay and…BACON!!!

If we make it through this, I will reap the rewards of gaining unwanted pounds of fat. This I will blame on the time of Coronavirus.

As there is always positives in negatives, I picked up my knitting needles, got frustration and picked up my crochet needle. I am reading while eating, watching CNN as if I own stock and breaking up daily cat fights.

As the Game of Thrones, cat style has yet to be resolved. I wonder which of my four cat owners will sit on the throne?

Is it okay to go just a bit crazy in the time of the Coronavirus?

Posted on March 22, 2020March 22, 2020 by Anelemc

Home bound in the time of Coronavirus or…Bored.

How Fate looks like. What Fate looks like to me.

What Tara-Habby looks like. What Tara-Habby truly is.

What Winnie looks like. What Winnie looks like to me.

Who Big E thinks he is. Who Big E is.

Who Katie thinks she is. Who Katie really is.

How I think my furs see me. How they really see me Unknown-4 12.57.45 PM.jpeg .

Posted on March 16, 2020 by Anelemc

Once or…one time only.

Once,

I dated a Boy who loved me and whom I loved.

This sensitive Boy was a poet who composed songs with fragile words on a guitar.

was the girl who recorded black and white visuals of everyday life on an Olympus camera.

Alas,

the Boy needed care in ways which depleted my heavily guarded plethora of emotions.

Drained,

the guard broke, and I left, taking my reserve with me.

The Boy,

recovered, found strength in his songs with fragile words on guitar and now tours all around the states.

His followers,

follow him in awe of the songs with fragile words on guitar.

Once,

I dated a boy who looked like Sting.

This boy,

was an aspiring editor who cut through slices of life with no remorse.

was the girl who recorded black and white visuals of everyday life on a Nikon F3.

married the boy who didn’t love me but loved what I offered in terms of him moving ahead.

Sycophant, Image result for sycophants

is what a co-worker once called him.

did not know what the word meant and looked it up in hardcover bound dictionary.

Sycophant,

suited him well for he used people for his own benefit.

The Boy,

who composed songs with fragile words on guitar was far more truer to himself.

He,

reached for the stars when they were out of reach and grasped a bunch that paved the way for his travels.

self-sacrificed my recorded black and white visuals of life on a Horseman 4×5. For no one said I was good enough and I was not true to myself.

The boy,

moved on, to a sycophants’ ultimate dream of scoring one who had connections that would propel his self to a lucrative outcome.

Pity the boy could never relied on his own strength and worth.

Posted on February 7, 2020February 7, 2020 by Anelemc · 2 Comments