May 2024 – Anélemc's Writing

November, January, February

After the death of two high school friends, one from suicide by hanging the other from an aggressive form of cancer, I thought I’d be next.

Lordzt knows mental health (me) and cancer (mom) are two annoying friends I never invited to the dinner table.

Bad things come in threes. If an unfortunate event has already occurred twice, a third is likely to occur.

A recent visit to my PCP led to a rant on the threes.

With a gentle hand placed on my shoulder she advised me not to worry and suggested some books on positivity to read. Positivity? I was too absorbed in the cauldron of hell’s depression!!!

Then…

February arrived and brought the passing of a niece two days shy of her 40^th birthday.

Bad things come in threes. If an unfortunate event has already occurred twice, a third is likely to occur.

How do I respond to this news?

First, I found out about her passing almost two weeks after. Her diagnosis is a mystery to me as her mother went along with the Doctors treatment, with questions never asked and avoiding knowing. I guess ignorance was bliss. From what I could gather it sounds like septicemia.

This niece passed, alone in the hospital, drugged up. Her mother collected money for the cremation and returned to life. I don’t know if she cries or mourns as she jokes during our monthly conversations on the phone.

I mourn from afar knowing the niece did not reach her 40^th birthday.

Just the fog dancing in the tree tops
Just me alone with my mom’s traveling ashes
doing what she always wanted me to do
I could sit on this porch and cry all day
because it’s the easy thing to do
But…
Only a few tear drops this time
Off to explore
I am my mother’s daughter

9/9/23

I forgot to take my meds today. Not just one but all three. Held a chicken in my arms, cradled a goat’s head in my hands and rub their bloated belly’s . Pet the donks until I was insane in the membrane and not once did one of them call me an ass. Reveled in horizontal bed meditation, rising at 6am. Packed way too much stuff, wrong clothes, computer, instead of simple clothing and a journal. I will miss this place and will (gw) return again. How wonderful to be around creatives who look at life to be lived instead of complaining and bitching about the gift of life. GW next time, I’ll be prepared to hike or run. This magical place allows me to be myself, en paz, without the need or want to impress others, only to be myself, raw, exposed and whole. The beauty of this was to be accepted by strangers who were not in a position to judge or label me or assume who and what I am based on limited perceptions of life. I miss my animals at home but relish the liberation to lie on a bed without fur flying in the air. I hear thunder rolling on the clouds where I sit, on this porch, as well as the voice of the river- flow, flowing, flowed. I feared rain would ruin the weekend here but the overcast skies and intermittent rain only enhanced the abundance of nature and it’s unique voice. Book and pen next time.

*GW-God Willing
*en paz-in peace
*Donks-donkeys