Nov. 9, 2016
So here I sit in my lonely room
Lookin’ for my sunshine
But all I’ve got is two cigarettes
And this broken heart of mine
Cigarettes I no longer crave. I stopped smoking years ago.
I spend allot of time sitting around trying to figure out which way to go while feeling lonely for Pi. Yes, my heart is still broken but not the broken of being just broken as on October 24 when he passed. It’s a broken of what was fragile, now gone and can’t be put together again.
It’s been 17 days since he passed and 17 days since a drop of wine has touched my mouth. Grief took place with no escape from reality brought on by a bottle of wine. In order for my grief to form, grow and dissipate to where it is comfortable to live with, my mind and body had to be completely clear. It’s working and for that I thank Pi.
The results of the 2016 Presidential election brings fear, trepidation, uncertainty and longing to be in the frame of mind I was in on Nov 7 before the shit let lose.
No regressing, the present is fleeting and the future ‘is not ours to see’ (Que Sera, Sera).
I miss Pi Patel.
(Although, I told HIM, I’d drink three bottles of wine a day to have him back.)
As a dog parent friend posted on my FB on Nov 12, “Showing up for life when we don’t feel like it is very healing”.
It is healing.
And although I’d like to stay in bed, sorting through pics of my fur baby, it’s not possible.
Bills gotta get paid, and I gotta start living.