Life – Page 3 – Anélemc's Writing

Posted on February 8, 2022July 23, 2025 by Anelemc

Some of the times…

Some of the times
It’s easy to get out of bed in the morning
enthusiastically hopeful for the best
Celebrate a new day

Some of the times
It’s possible to eat healthy
wholesome food so the alma (soul) can
Rejoice from consumption of the blessed kind

Some of the times
It’s easy to breathe fresh air
when you open the windows of your heart and
Renew your world with fresh healing energy

Some of the times
Because we used to and I can’t
the gardener will clear out the overgrown weeds
Clean the dirt, gravel, and slate

Some of the times
Rain thumping down
on a hot humid day
Joyfully transports me to the Caribbean

Some of the times
The sound of Mr Softee
unleashes the childhood memories
Running wild and young in Brooklyn

Some of the times
Getting out of your head
and letting go of mind squatters
Radiates pure mind full filled

Some of the times
You want to whisper
activating all your senses
Being alive in the present

Some of the times
The body cries in power
As strength takes hold and
Welcomes the eradication of toxins

Some of the times
Optimistic should be my first name
Followed by Hope as the middle
Ready Set Go as my last

Some of the times
A cardinal brings laughter
Especially when fighting with the sparrows and
Winning

Some of the times
I laugh so hard tears come to my eyes
in a moment of pure joy
Happy at just being happy

Some of the times
You pray to HIM
Asking and asking till you become an
Instrument of his peace

Posted on February 8, 2022February 8, 2022 by Anelemc · 4 Comments

Sometimes…

Sometimes…
It’s hard to get out of bed in the morning
To begin a new day when you’d rather linger
under the covers in the past

Sometimes…
It’s impossible to eat healthy
When you have to prep and cook
and the corner bodega is…at the corner

Sometimes…
It’s hard to breathe fresh air
When the windows are shut
holding in stale memories

Sometimes…
The overgrown garden
Once tended by mom and you
should stay overgrown.

Sometimes…
Rain really sucks
Thumping down cold
on my bare head

Sometimes…
A mean and ugly person
Takes up space in your brain
squatting, rent free

Sometimes…
You want to scream so loud
Igniting car alarms up and down the block
but the scream is nothing but a whimper

Sometimes…
The body cries for help
As a fat revolution takes hold
obliterating muscle in its path

Sometimes…
Despair should be my first name
Followed by Anguish as a middle
Mourning as the last

Sometimes…
A cardinal brings hope
Except when its fighting with the sparrows
and the sparrows win

Sometimes…
You pray to HIM
Asking and asking
and never receiving

Posted on June 8, 2021June 8, 2021 by Anelemc

“I think we all struggle with that unreasonable guilt, E***a, and it is unreasonable, isn’t it? Certainly, my Dad who loved me so well my entire life would want me to live whole and free, right? Of course, he would. It’s just all part of this gut-wrenching process we all have to suffer through. Be thankful for those sparks. Fan them into flame. Live that life to honor your loved one but more so for yourself and the world who needs your particular gifts.”

-Response to a post I wrote on a grief board

Grief amidst a worldwide pandemic mixed in with addiction is not pretty in any colour.

But the body and mind can longer accept alcoholic as self-medication to make the world seem right. Grief chased down with bourbon needs to rise up and be dealt with.

So, I …

Hang on for a day
The past is acknowledged, the future not ruminated on. The present? Front, Center and Back. Because that is all that matters.

Hang on for another day
“An alcoholic in his cups is an unlovely creature”-Big Book
Finished the twelfth steps, now what?

Hang on
The desire to run, do a gym work out, bang on the piano or even write has faded for Anger and Hangovers no longer fuel, mi alma (soul).

Hang on for yet another day
Sobriety dulled my creativity or rather my creativity refuses to emerge through a clear thinking alma (soul).

Hang on for a day
I have yet to print out those medical records, afraid of what may be revealed, afraid I’ll gain more truths into my inadequacies fueled by alcohol into how I was not there for you-figuratively.

Still hanging on
Have not attempted to finish my piece on “One year without you” for one year has now turned into three years without you.

August 30, 2019 -12:10PM

“Hang tight-you will fly once your wings unfold. You will find a place either in this realm or another where you are loved & appreciated for being just you with all your quirky talents, flowing forth like glitter. Be Strong!”

-Note from me to me

Posted on March 18, 2021 by Anelemc

Faith…or Fate

Faith moves mountains
You often said when despair embraced me

Fate moves mountains
I often said as control is in another’s hand

Faith moves mountains
Through troubling times optimism was your shield

Fate moves mountains
Through troubling times alcohol was mine

Faith moves mountains
You believed in a God that would nurture and care

Fate moves mountains
I believed in a God that was cruel and malicious

Faith moves mountains
You rarely shed tears and if you did
they fell with a purpose

Fate moves mountains
I cried everyday
angry tears driven by self-pity

Faith moves mountains
Cancer came back for you
this time it latched on
You cried once in the hospital
and I knew you knew
hope fought

Fate moves mountains
Cancer came back for you
I couldn’t pry it loose
I cried as much as I drank
and you knew I knew
hope lost

*** It’s been three years since you drew breath. You were in my life for 54 years. I guess I’ll be mourning till the day I join you. I cry mostly mornings, when another day begins, without wine or bourbon. During the days I’ll smile as memories, come in and out, out and in. Looking forward to more smiles and fuzzy feelings when memories hit instead of pain and tears.

I love you mom, my mom.

Posted on December 24, 2020 by Anelemc

Nig…

At the age of 56, last night on a Zoom meeting that was ‘bombed’ I was called a nigger.

‘Elena is a nigger’ is what someone wrote on their screen at the AA Zoom meeting that was ‘bombed’

Interesting fact, I guess.

Can’t say that I didn’t already know I was a nigger. Knew from the age of 11 when an Italian classmate enlighten me at the Italian/Irish Catholic school.

But an AA meeting?

A Zoom meeting not password protected nor protected with adequate bouncers to monitor the room? An AA meeting where sobriety is sacred and protected at all cost?

Not when you’re a nigger.

So last night during an AA zoom meeting that was ‘bombed’ someone called me a nigger.

Society has been using nigger from the time of slavery or even beyond and I’ve been privileged to hear it all through my days on this earth. Although, I stopped hearing it in my 40’s. I guess those people knew better to call a nigger a nigger especially in the workplace, in church, not on the subways though or on the street.

Nigger/Nigga

I heard the rappers take it and turn it into our own. No longer nigger but nigga. How quaint, how eloquent, how ballsy to take what They branded us and turn it into our own brand that They do not hesitate to use, to be cool, to be hip, to be damn bloody fools in my worldly view. But as Jay Z says during the Ballad of OJ, “Still Nigga”.

Being called a nigger in your 50’s hurts just like it did at 11.

I ain’t your nigger though I may be a nigga, but being a nigga to me is not being a nigger to you and you best not call me a nigger to my face because after this bullshit on zoom I just may cut you deep, really deep but not with a knife as I see in my mind but with words that flow from the scarred vault that holds the many, many, niggers I was called by the ones I choose to call They.

Posted on October 15, 2020October 16, 2020 by Anelemc

Las Estaciones De Mi Alma…(The seasons of my soul)

Invierno (Winter)
Mi Alma duerme

My soul sleeps
For winter
Happy in the cold
Warm in the body
Embraced at night with furs that live
Wrapped in a sheet with feathers dead
Bring comfort to a comatose mind

La Primavera (Spring)
Mi alma baila

My soul dances
For the air is tinged
With energy and rebirth
Resetting my soul to sync
Within nature at its most
Obvious time

El Verano (Summer)
Mi alma se sienta con el sol

My soul sits with the sun
Moving in slow mo’
Jiggly with passion
Humid, Heat, Hotness
Because she can

El Otoño (Fall)
Mi alma duele con recuerdos de Perdida

My soul hurts with memories of loss
Diá de Muertos
The altar once filled with marigolds and
Bits of food, pictures of the elders
Sits in a cardboard box in the closet
Because I cannot, love cannot
Add you to them

Wood and paper come from trees
Heart and lungs rule the body
Loss and love nailed in the alma
Scars deeply

Posted on October 10, 2020 by Anelemc

All About Eve…or The Snake Made Me Do It

ACCORDING…

to the King James bible, GOD created Adam in his own image using dust from the ground and the breath of life from his own mouth.

Thus, Adam became a living entity sown in the Garden of Eden constructed purposely for his tending.

He was immediately given charge of keeper of the garden, named every beast, cattle and fowl and could eat freely of every tree in the garden.

EXCEPT…

from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil.

“Why not?”, one may ask.

Because, he would surely die!

AS…

God told him so.

Adam needed a helper since the beasts did not serve this purpose so while he slept, God removed a rib and constructed woman. Both naked and not ashamed they carried on in the garden

UNTIL…

The woman ate fruit from that tree at the urging of a snake. Both were punished when God found out.

The snake?

Forever to crawl on its belly in the dust for the rest of its life, its head to be bruised by the seed of the woman.

The woman now called, Eve?

The heel of her seed will be bruised by the snake and her sorrows multiplied in the conception and delivery of children. Subservient to her husband she will always be.

Adam?

He will eat of that tree, the root of all this ruckus, transformed to thorns and thistle the rest of his life. Bread he will consume until he returns to the dust he was taken from.

Eve is forever vilified for falling for the snake’s temptation. It was surely her fault and her fault alone for eating the fruit (now accepted as an apple).

BUT…

Her apple eating was

DISCOVERY AND FREEDOM!!!

Nakedness-God had to make them clothing.

Child-bearing-She could now have children (along with sex).

Banishment-She could get out of the garden and watchful eyes.

Passive aggressive-Adam does all the work.

Her offspring’s, offspring, lived hundreds of years.

I guess it really was all about Eve and thanks to the snake that made her do it.

Posted on July 30, 2020July 30, 2020 by Anelemc

Daydreams or…Mini Vacations of the mind

Daydreams are mini vacations of the mind
I carried this flower throughout the first hour of my shift at work
It was cumbersome as only one hand could stock

But…
This once vital and youthful inflorescence
Deserved a final romp through the Co op grounds

Daydreams are mini vacations of the mind
My determination of being present in the moment
Was disrupted by the fragile flower in my hand
And I thought, ‘Oh my, you are dying’
And then I thought, ‘I am too’
But…
Your life lived was way shorter than my life living

Daydreams are mini vacations of the mind
You started as a seedling, plucked when mature
Roots guillotined leaving sap to seep
Thrusted into cold, cold and so cold water
Transported from one state to another in a cardboard box
Bunched up tightly in a bucket with others from your tribe
No room to droop, only to stand tall and upright
But…
You survived the journey

Daydreams are mini vacations of the mind
Unloaded from a cool truck in the daylight hours
Of a hot, hot and so hot NYC morning
You and the others made your way into the Co op
Where unpacked by produce workers
You were put on display on top of a wooden pallet
Above your head the sticker price of $1.25 per stem
But…
Still standing strong, almost defiant, your blossoms raised high

Daydreams are mini vacations of the mind
So your journey towards dying continues
For the next day when I returned to work
The bucket was half empty and not half full
And to be honest I couldn’t tell from the wilted flowers who.
Stayed behind for another day of sale
If you were gone or not
Because you all do look alike anyway
But…
My mind stayed in that moment of the day before
Of knowing that all
Must die in some way

Posted on July 23, 2020July 23, 2020 by Anelemc

AF…or Can’t Stand Losing You

I LOVE Chardonnay
Lox and cream cheese
Chinese take out
Sashimi
Salt and vinegar potato chips

I LOVE Cabernet
Noodles and meatballs
BBQ take out
Pizza
Pringles sour cream and chives

I LOVE Bourbon
French Fries
Chicken wings
French Fries
Chicken Wings

A cantankerous relationship we had
Through laughter, boredom and tears
Funerals, celebrations, observations and fears
I was there for you
You, here for me

My heart, loved both of you hard
But the spirit of grapes and fermented grain
Had me in regret and perpetual shame
As they never did love
LOVE, me for me

We carried on for many years
Met in the evenings and late afternoons
Then early morn before flowers bloomed
Love turned to hate
HATE, turned to dust

Said goodbye to you on the 1^st of the month
Weeks amounted as days dissolved
And yet I held unto my resolve
No longer together we
WE, are not together

I am alone now as I’ve always been
As I was when I was with you
Though I believed it untrue
IMG_1909 copy.jpg For how, could I be
Be, lonely, when we were