More words…
Soon to come.
For a bit of a spell,
I lost my muchness.
But…
IT’S BACK!!!!
2013
2013 arrived and was not greeted with the usual resolutions such as those made in 2012:
Lose weight
Limit alcohol intake
Penguin run – frequently and on a schedule
Living situation-Move out
Change job or get a better job with better location and better pay
The resolutions of 2012 are now discarded. The New Year of 2013 came at midnight when the clock struck twelve and casted the resolutions of the old into an ‘unresolved’ imaginary bin stored in the back of my brain.
But, the consequence of making those resolutions in 2012 were severe:
Instead of losing weight I gained ten more pounds
Alcohol –a lil bit more instead of a lil bit less
Penguin run-what is that again?
Living situation-the move out turned into the barely living, drowning in frustration at my financial inability to move out
Same job and definitely no better location and no raise let alone a Christmas bonus
This year, with the new, New Year approaching, instead of the usual in my bed by 10pm sleep induced reception, I was awake. And no, I did not watch the dreadful ball drop on TV for it triggers memories of a New Year’s past in which my butt was fondled and molested in the melee of a crowd gone wild while watching the old ball (sans the 2,688 Waterford crystal triangles) drop live and in person in the pre-Giuliani Times Square.
But, this year there are no resolutions.
Attempting to construct resolutions for 2013 may be good in keeping with the spirit of the New Year thingy but if 2012’s resolution results are an indication of what will come, I think I’ll pass this year. There’s no need to go through the ‘unresolved’ feelings of disappointment at not meeting impossible expectations. No point in shoving the disappointment into my brain where it will stagnate and fester turning into the unrequited resolve of the resolutions. And no, the toxicity of that mess will not migrate to mi alma (my soul) for clutter and suffocation are not allowed to reside there, only torment, bliss and friction of every emotional kind.
Instead of resolutions, I welcome subtle and easy changes towards achieving goals. Subtle, like breathing in and out and so easy as in not having to think too much about the process itself.
The subtle and easy changes require a difference each day in the way I think and do things. All things, from putting on my socks (left first instead of right) to the amount of pep milk (a little one day, a lot the next) in my coffee. I will take a slightly different route while walking the street, like walking on the opposite side of the streets I walk down.
My subtle and easy approach towards tackling larger goals will bring results.
Some of the goals I’ve set in motion involve learning and practicing meditation, consuming less meat and enrolling in a running program. Subtle and easy. Attending meditative classes, abstaining from meat until the weekends, running with a group instead of alone-just doing those little things which are subtle and so easy will lead me to obtainable goals. 
Chasing my shadow…again
A five month hiatus of laziness, too much wine, humid days and a host of other excuses too ridiculous to write, sabotaged my jogging career. Months of adhering to the Couch to 5k turned into months of undoing the thirty minutes of sweat, tears and jogging accomplished.
Gone are the:
The bask-in-glory feeling when time goals were achieved
The graduation to Asics running shoes with Superfeet insoles
Rising early, putting in the time and feeling physical and mentally great all day
Obliterated are the:
The sweat-wicking clothing purchased at Target
The running bras which took two hours of trying on to find the perfect fit
The Garmin GPS model of two years ago
I turned off the motivation switch.
It happened just like that. No questions asked. The switch done turned off and broke.
Dormant, I existed, until a 180-degree change of perspective on why I jog turned the switch back on. Instead of jogging to lose weight and berating mí alma when the weight refuses to leave the comfort of my stomach and hips, I now jog to eat. The more I run, the more I eat. The less I run, the more I eat (still working on that thought pattern). Weight loss no longer controls the motivation switch; eating does. What better way to get through to a person who eats too much?
Of course jogging to eat requires food portion control supplemented with other forms of exercise. If I choose to eat a large piece of Junior’s cheesecake I will need to burn off the calories consumed. Caloric wise, a slice is approximately 543 which, translates to jogging for about one to two hours plus an elliptical workout with calisthenics and weight lifting.
Simple to calculate and not so simple to execute but if my goal is to jog to eat, calories must be sacrificed in order to make room for food intake of the most cautious kind. Caution in the foods that come through my mouth meaning salads, vegetables-things that grow in dirt-less consumption of carbs, especially wheat.
My jogging label as a self-proclaim, bona fide, “penguin” has not changed. I still waddle proudly during a jog but my pace has changed. Instead of a pace “akin to a penguin’s walk, having one too many krill on a good day”, my pace is now akin to a penguin’s run towards one too many krill on a good day, on a plate, a mile away.
Off to jog! 
Chasing my shadow…
In my slow and sometimes painful quest to run a 5k, I have finally made it to 30 minutes of continuous jogging. Now if only the continuous jogging could remain consistent with the mileage and evolve to 45 minutes of continuous running.
I started the Couch to 5K training program, heavily modified, during the month of June 2010. The program starts with alternating a 1-minute run to a 90-second walk and repeating for 20 minutes. My modified version was a 1 minute jog to a 2 minute walk, 4x within an hour which translated to 3 miles.
Slowly, the length of jogging increased, the walking decreased and mileage accumulated to 3 miles. I can now run continuously for 30 minutes, on a good day, but it does not equate to a total of 3 miles, more like 1.93 miles of jogging, with the remaining miles walking and huffing. My goal is to run a 5k in less than an hour and at the rate my body is adjusting to jogging, achieving that goal may be a miracle or a mirage.
Notice Couch to 5k uses the term “running” while I, a nonprofessional, prefer to use the term “jogging”. I am a self proclaim, bona fide, “penguin” when it comes to running labels. Professional runners walk faster than my jogging and my running to a professional runner is their walking a slow pace to recuperate after running a marathon.
I have no illusions of grandeur. My jogging pace is akin to a penguin’s walk infused with having one too many krill on a good day. I am slow and damn proud of it. As the affluent runners pass by me while running the loop in Prospect Park, I smirk at their swiftness and skinniness and applaud myself for having the audacity to run in skintight pants with my visible oversized flapping belly. I have last years’ Garmin, big as a block of wood, strapped to my wrist and my Superfeet running insoles. I am a Queen!
However, there are times when my ego deflates. The one steep hill too many, which depletes my forty something year old body of its energy and forces me to walk, and the little red devil, skinny no less, that sits on my right buttock shouting mantras of:
“You’re carrying too much weight, just walk” 
“Your feet hurt, just walk.”
“You are way too old to do this, just walk.”
“Did you take the Bayer aspirin this morning? Oh forget it, just walk!”
Therefore, I give in and walk. Return home. Look at the statistics from the Garmin and berate myself for not achieving the days’ goals. I am ruthless with myself and void of compassion. However, two days later I am out there again-pumped and ready to accomplish my goal of adding and jogging five minutes more to the 30 minutes-which has yet to be accomplished.
Anélemc's Writing 
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