Twist on my sobriety…or Fragility of One’s Mental Health

Twist on my sobriety…or Fragility of One’s Mental Health

The shootings
senseless killing of children, black grocery shoppers, a man riding on the subway for brunch in the city, all takes a toll. Why are automatic rifles necessary? Why are guns sold to eighteen year old boys?  

Covid
the naysayers, anti-maskers, hyper-vigilante mask wearers with the sanitizers. One day no mask requirements next day masks and six feet apart. What happens if I only maintain five? What happens if I lower my mask to drink from my water bottle? COVID!!!

I want to rise
rise above, step out the door, have hope and see the beauty in a horribly negative world filled with horribly negative people.  

My thoughts
are jumbled at times, racing up and down, sometimes round, wanting to settle but not able to sometimes, refusing to move or not motivated to do so. Sitting still, sitting terribly still.

My body
wants gratification found only in food of the lowest kind. The more, junkier, processed and artificially flavoured, the more my body craves. Each day brings a time for change and each day brings a time for more indulgence. 

Sobriety
is hard to retain when the world makes you want to space out for a while. Or rather you are not capable of dealing with the world so you choose to space out, be numb, inactive, inaccessible. 

Gentrification
not a word I use anymore as obliteration is more fitting. Luxury high rises are multiplying like fungi while the old buildings such as my elementary Catholic school are torn down or revamped into something new and trendy for the new neighbourhood, no longer my ‘hood. 

Neighbours
who have known me from a baby are now old with health issues and passing on. I am now that neighbour watching the new neighbors kids grow up.

Reckoning…

***avogado6-drawing

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