People hurt…

People hurt and continue to hurt with their words and actions.

I hurt and continue to hurt people with my words and actions. 

Can’t speak for others but my hurt is usually a reaction of feeling powerless to events dealing with cultural ignorance or bullying-you know, those who feel privileged using rude actions and words because of belonging to the majority rule.   

I’d like to think I hurt people less than they hurt me because when people hurt me it really hurts because I allowed them access to my vulnerabilities and thoughts. Of course, I should know better at selecting whom to share with and whom not to. Because all it usually takes is one ignorant comment to set me off.

Well…

Sometimes, that’s what happens.

(Not as severe and there may be a be a tad of exaggeration with the gif)

I once believed in transparency for it eliminates lying. Lying has a way of accumulating more lies which in time is impossible to keep track of what was said in the first place. Transparency is well…transparency,  except when it’s used against you to file a formal complaint based on a one time reaction during a heated diversity discussion in which you mention something that another found offensive and antisemitic. 

Does that person even know what happened in Rwanda when one race was exterminated without the gas chambers while the world turned its backs on the killings because well…black lives truly don’t matter except amongst our own which is adapting the black lives don’t matter and killing their own because society says its ok to do so. 

My ongoing battle with race and trying to find my place in its many levels of acceptance, bigotry, entitlement and so on, is so done. I’m okay with who and what I am, as, I am my father and mother’s daughter who fought an incredible economic and social battle to make sure, me…yes me would be taken care of-emotionally, identity and financially wise.

GOD bless my parents who created, nurtured (though at the time I didn’t think so) and prepared me for life in a country that disrespects POC’s and is intent on making our lives a miserable road to hoe.

My hoe is sharpened and hangng in my left hand. As I say to those who try to stomp me down, “Don’t Fuck With Me!”

Time waits for no one…or, Mom is 100% right.

Time waits for no one…

Procrastination and I were once best buds. We’d hold hands preventing me from moving one step forward, relishing in the here and now and not getting what needs to be done, done. I’d bitched to mom about the consequence of not getting it done and she’d sing song, “Time waits for no one. It passes you by and it goes on forever like the sun in the sky”. Annoyed with her singing I would repeat the song and insert the “sun in the sky” with “a bird in the sky”. Mom replied with, “Birds don’t fly forever” and we would lapse into back and forth retorts ending with hysterical laughter.

Faith move mountains…

“My second interview with them, do you think I’ll get it?”, me to mom.

“Que será, será…”, mom to me.

“What!?, me to mom.

“Faith move mountains”, mom to me.

“You mean Faith moves mountains”, me to mom.

“No. Faith move mountains”, mom to me.

***Me-throws eyes up to the sky while leaving the room

Elenita or Boobie

Almost everyone in this family has a nickname.

Judy

Nina

Peggy

Bobby

Dinero

Tub of Lard

Aggie

Fatee

I’ll…

No nickname.

Just plain ole Elena from most in the family and those ‘most’ not even pronouncing it correctly. (Thank you, my uncle, for naming me after Tia Peggy’s middle name!). 

But…

Not mom, my mom. 

I was “Elenita” and most especially when she was so happy with me, “Boobie”. 

Boobie, to me, means love, a mother’s love, unique and so only bestowed to the child mom truly loves, her undisclosed favourite. 

Yes.

I am/was my mom’s favourite and no shame in that.

Not all have a blessed mom for whatever reasons and, 

You know what?…

That’s more than okay as you don’t need a maternal figure to get that special feeling or nickname from: some fathers, friends, uncles, aunts, cousins-relationships period- that make you feel so special, unique and loved for who you are.

If there is no one for you, I will be that someone for you!!!! 

(As being alone right now with no mom or support from family, I know, cannot always be so good).

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